Good morning! Let’s take a second to congratulate ourselves because we made it through the two worst days of the week, which we can all agree are Monday and Tuesday. Third worst is open for debate, but I’m going with Sunday.
The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show aired last night despite being recorded a month ago. I watched the last 5 minutes and came to the same conclusion I do every year: why TF does anyone watch this? Objectification and unattainable physical standards aside, this shit is boring. Tall, thin, beautiful. Tall, thin, beautiful. Tall thin, beautiful, and wearing an orange hoodie that inexplicably says PINK on it. Wow they are KILLING this whole walking thing. Slayyyy.
Look, balloons aren’t wings. Neither is an arrangement of light-up hub caps. But I don’t have to get it, and I don’t have to watch it. Some girls love this annual live animation of Lisa Frank stickers. So for y’all, here’s a slideshow of every look from last night’s show.
Chipotle is salty (sorry had to) at the media, claiming it has overblown the company’s E. coli scare that has sickened 47 people in 9 states. Just recently, norovirus resulted in the shutdown of one Boston location after 80 people reported falling ill. So far Chipotle hasn’t identified the source of either outbreak. I’m not saying you shouldn’t eat Chipotle right now; I’m just saying I’m not going to eat Chipotle right now. And this is coming from a girl who eats gas station breakfast sandwiches so consider heeding my advice. Alternatively, a couple of weeks of nausea, diarrhea and vomiting is the only way some of us will ever look like a Victoria’s Secret model.
Kimye had their baby boy and his name is Saint. I didn’t really want to write that sentence but felt it was obligatory. Let’s move along.
What I hate this week: Sometimes science gives us groundbreaking new information (did you know there’s water on Mars?) but often studies just prove what we instinctively already know, for example, that men are more likely to die doing something stupid. Recently, scientists have determined that there’s a correlation between “loving pseudo-profound quotes and low intelligence“—something that is blatantly obvious to anyone with a Facebook account and a brain.
What I love this week: Go ahead and clear your schedule tomorrow night, because Dolly Parton’s Coat of Many Colors premieres on NBC. Starring Jennifer Nettles as her mother, the movie depicts Dolly’s early life growing up poor in the Great Smoky Mountains. No doubt it will be cheesy, and no doubt I will cry. I love Dolly Parton the way Catholics love the Pope.
I want to end this with a piece of advice: A girl should be two things, classy and fabulous.
That’s so profound I should put it on my Twitter bio.
See you next week.