In the News: Shit You Should Know

It’s the first Wednesday of spring so you know what that means… IT’S ROSÉ SEASON. It’s also National Puppy Day, and I couldn’t create a more magical combination if I tried. Now that we’re all feeling good about life, here’s some bad news.

A terrorist attack in Brussels yesterday killed 31 people and injured around 200 others. The attacks included suicide bombers at both the Brussels airport and subway. Two of the suicide bombers were brothers who were previously known to the Belgian government for petty crimes but not as Islamic extremists. As expected, the Islamic State, the same group behind the Paris attacks, has claimed responsibility. A short blurb can’t possibly do this story justice, but Politico has an excellent compilation of news, tweets, and videos from the day. Some advice: Pour yourself a glass of rosé before reading that article. You’ll need it.

Starbucks is being sued for under filling its lattes. The lawsuit was filed by a basic bitch (obviously) and one bro who are thankfully looking out for our best interests. If the suit moves forward, anyone who has purchased a smaller-than-advertised latte can join in and probably recoup a few dollars to spend at the coffee shop of their choosing…. so, Starbucks. (Thanks to reader KZ for the tip. She knows what y’all care about.)

All signs point to a new Beyonce album dropping in April. That’s very, very soon so prepare yourselves by buying hot sauce swag… or just hot sauce. That’s always a good idea.

The following is a story I’ve been laughing about since I saw it on Twitter on Friday. The UK’s Natural Environment Research Council decided to put the name of its new $300 million dollar research ship to a public vote. Out in front with a big lead is the distinguished name Boaty McBoatface. Here’s hoping the agency follows through on its promise, because in the face of terrorist attacks and under filled lattes, the R.R.S. Boaty McBoatface has the potential to unite us all. You can vote for the name here.

What I hate this week: Another day, another asshole loses his job for being an asshole. Raymond Moore, the CEO and tournament director of Indian Wells Tennis Garden, just resigned following comments about the importance of women’s tennis. Moore publicly stated that female athletes should “get on their knees” and thank the male players because they’ve carried the sport.


Yes, that statement is sexist, but it’s also really stupid. And wrong. Serena Williams — who is indisputably one of the most famous tennis players in the world—had some words for Mr. Moore. And I have some words for him too… enjoy retirement, Raymond!

As for you guys, my hope is that you get to hug a puppy today.

See you next week!




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