In the News: Shit you Should Know

Welcome back to Shit You Should Know.

I’m writing this on a 5 hour flight after getting up at 6am so I hope you’re having a better morning. I considered ordering a screwdriver, but it was only 9:30 when drink service rolled through. Which brings up an important question, what is the earliest acceptable time to have an alcoholic drink? This is an important compatibility topic and should be addressed along with your other deal breakers, like laziness, small hands and being a Kentucky fan.

From One D to no D. We’ve all been there, amiright?? News broke yesterday that Harry Styles has switched management companies in a move that’s likely a precursor to his solo career. The “band” is still pretending it will reunite after a hiatus but we all know that’s bullshit. Just ask the forgotten members of ‘NSYNC. Sorry Zayn, Niall and the other one two. Better get your reality TV deals lined up.

Hillary Clinton squeaked by Bernie Sanders in the Iowa Democratic caucus, suggesting a long and difficult battle for the Democratic nomination reminiscent of Clinton’s campaign against Barack Obama in 2008. The more surprising story is Ted Cruz winning the Republican caucus, which demonstrated for the first time that Trump may not remain the frontrunner for the Republican nomination. The nation let out a collective sigh of relief at the good news. 

The commandant of the Marine Corps and the Army chief of staff publicly offered support for a legislative change that would require women to register for the draft. Combat roles were just recently opened to women, and the first female graduates completed Army Ranger school in August of 2015. The best case scenario is never needing a draft again, but barring that, women should be required to register for the draft. This is what equality looks like.

What I love this week: There’s a new app for women that uses the general principles of Tinder to make new friends. Swipe right because you have the same sunglasses, swipe left because she’s wearing a coral bib necklace. (Did I get the swipes correct? I’ve never used Tinder. My bio would say Too Old for Tinder. Too young for your dad.)

Anyway, this is a great idea if you’ve recently moved to a new town or, like me, your married friends aren’t up for turning Sunday brunch into 6 hours of heavy drinking because that’s not a “child-friendly” activity.

I’ll end this with the definitive answer to my drinking question above: there’s a window between 5 and 10:30 am where drinking is suspect. I’m not saying don’t do it. I’m just saying don’t tell anyone, Betty Ford. You can go public at 10:30.

See you next week!


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