HELLO. Welcome back to Shit You Should Know. This is Lori, in case you forgot. I had to take a hiatus from the stress of writing about Beyonce and adorable cat videos, but I’m back and I won’t leave you again. Promise.
Let’s get to the most important shit first. There’s a new site that allows you to enter your partner’s name, age, and city to find out if they’re using Tinder. Because VE cares, I tested it out by searching for a friend who I already know uses the app. (Hi, Matt!) The service costs $5.99, but in exchange you receive grounds for a divorce and a lifelong distrust of men. What a bargain.
The New York Times has a fascinating article about the first climate refugees in the United States and the difficulty of resettling people who have lived for generations on land that is slowly sinking into the ocean. Per the article, Louisiana has lost a chunk of land the size of Delaware since the 1930s. This is alarming, obviously, but I’ve always said that the only thing Tennessee is missing is a beach.
Trump is the last man standing in the Republican primary race. Ted Cruz just announced the suspension of his campaign, and Kasich is expected to do the same later today or tomorrow. I’m already looking forward to President Trump making America great again, when we’ll all be living in bunkers and eating baked beans out of a can for three meals a day.
What I hate this week: A Virginia student was sentenced to 15 years of hard labor for stealing a political poster in North Korea. What follows is a very important PSA: don’t go to North Korea. Instead, how about a one-way trip to Syria, or a luxury cruise off the coast of Somalia, or a tour of the local economy in Juarez, Mexico? Alternatively, you could put off traveling until 2050 and visit the beautiful beaches of Tennessee. But whatever you do, don’t go to North Korea.
What I love this week: Here’s a nine year old girl who is both smarter and more ambitious than me. (Ok, most nine year old girls are more ambitious than me. I’ve only left my house twice this week.) Hilde writes and manages a community news site in her small town in Pennsylvania. You would think a child would be spared the rude comments that adult female journalists are exposed to online, but nope. These grandmas think she should be playing with dolls instead of working the crime beat, but at least she’s not sexting, or worse, giggling in large groups at the movie theatre on Friday nights.
Don’t forget to call your mother on Sunday.
I’ll see you next week.