In the News: Shit You Should Know

Good afternoon. Hope you’re rested up from the music festival of your choice because we have some heavy shit going on. I might have to rename this column Sad Shit You Should Know if our country doesn’t get it together.

It’s been a tragic week for Orlando, FL. First, Christina Grimmie, a contestant on Season 6 of The Voice, was shot during a meet and greet after a show. The shooter killed himself after being tackled by Christina’s brother. Then this morning a 2 year old was attacked by an alligator at a lake on one of Disney World’s resorts. The boy’s parents tried to fight the alligator off but failed. His body still hasn’t been recovered.

And finally, this past Saturday night, a terrorist, a deranged gunman, and a homophobe committing a hate crime walked into a nightclub and killed 50 people in a horrific scene. Perhaps you’re thinking, “Wasn’t there only one gunman?” Yes. There was only one. But he is accurately represented by ALL of those descriptions. Arguing over which matters more deflects from the fact that each of these issues deserves to be acknowledged and addressed. If people feel moved to comment on this tragedy, maybe forego trivial Facebook posts about whether the AR-15 is actually an assault rifle, and instead, donate to the families who lost loved ones. That’s a significantly better use of your time.

Tough week you guys. Let’s move on to lighter subjects. Like prison.

The new season of Orange is the New Black will be released Friday on Netflix. I don’t know what your plans are this weekend but go ahead and cancel them. In a wedding? The bride will understand. Father’s Day? He’ll still be your dad next weekend. Here’s a refresher on last season in case you’re like me and can’t remember, well, shit.

A new study found that women who wear makeup are viewed as more dominant by women and more prestigious by men. Women wearing cosmetics also triggered jealousy and gave off the perception of promiscuity—but just to other women. This is poor form, ladies. So the bad news is it still matters considerably what women look like to both sexes. The good news is Kelly has you covered over in the Beauty section if you want to make those bitches jealous.

What I’m unsure about this week (new category): What I’m about to tell you is really shocking stuff: not every steak should be cooked to medium rare. I haven’t felt this way since Lance Bass came out—sad, in denial, questioning everything. Regardless of my personal feelings, I am committed to truth in journalism, so I will order the flank steak medium next time and report back. No thanks necessary! I’m not a hero. I’m just doing my job.

See you next week.



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