In the News: Shit You Should Know

Good morning and welcome back to Shit You Should Know. This week we’re wrapping up 2015 with an abundance of good news.

Bill Cosby was finally charged in one of the DOZENS of sexual assault allegations against him. This one stems from an incident near Philadelphia in 2004. Everyone has a constitutional right to the presumption of innocence, but I feel comfortable saying that this guy should die in prison… of natural causes obviously, not, like, from being shanked. Because unlike Cliff Huxtable, I’m not a monster.

Speaking of prison, the affluenza kid, Ethan Couch, has been apprehended in Mexico. He was caught in Puerto Vallarta after using his cell phone to order Domino’s pizza—which is just further proof of his poor life choices. Couch has been on the run with his mommy since video surfaced of him violating his probation terms in early December.

Miranda Lambert just followed Gwen Stefani on Twitter. This is a boss move on Miranda’s part. It says, I’m above all this, but also, I’m watching you.

…So let’s shake hands and reach across those party lines
You’ve got your friends just like I’ve got mine
We might think a little differently
But we got a lot in common you will see
I’m just like you
Only prettier…

What I love this week: The winter solstice occurred on December 21st, meaning that date had the shortest stretch of daylight of the year. From now until June the days will slowly get longer. So in the middle of February, when the weather forecast predicts 37 degrees and 11 straight days of rain, just remember that the sun is up a little longer each day, even if you can’t see it.

There are only two days left in 2015. If we’re being honest, and we always are in this column, I am not sad to see it go. Maybe 2015 sucked for you too, or maybe it was great (I hope so), but either way here’s a reminder that your life doesn’t just happen to you—it is shifting with every decision you make. Sometimes those choices are wrong, but at least you made them. And that is infinitely better than staying in a job or a relationship or a cable contract (fuck you, Comcast) because it’s easier than leaving. So, with that said, 2016 will be another year of decisions. May you make them to the best of your ability, using your head and your heart.

Happy New Year.


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