One of the latest VE podcast was with a sex therapist, David Yarian. Dr. Yarian gave us lots of insight into what a healthy sex life really looks like and how to establish and maintain that whether you are single or in a relationship. We also discussed the keys to keeping a happy sex life throughout any long term relationship, in which Dr. Yarian suggested that the long term couples that seemed the happiest and most fulfilled often looked at their sex lives as “play.” Adult play.
So what does that look like? I got lots of messages asking just this question. How do we do that? What does “play” mean? My VE team and I did lots of research and here are the top 8 proven ways people keep their sex lives spicy throughout the years:
1. Send a Spontaneous Sext
According to thecut.com adding some sex to your text by sending your intimate partner a message about what you want to do when they get home. Don’t be afraid to be specific, recall your hottest moments, and maybe even describe your outfit you will be wearing. Sending something unexpected like that is a great way to get them anxious to get home to you.
2. Try new things together both inside and outside the bedroom
Break from your routine and create new shared experiences. This will lead to renewed intimacy.
3. Create the optimal sexual environment for yourself
Reflecting on your best pleasurable experiences will teach you what works and what doesn’t. For example, when stress is low like after a long luxurious back rub.
4. Take your time
According to puamore.com you and your partner should always take the time to be emotionally and psychologically prepared. Simple kissing and cuddling or “foreplay” will always get you both in the mood.
5. Play games
Poosh.com team was introduced to the idea of playing games. Such as sexual Yahtzee or sexual Jenga. The point is to tease your partner to hold out until the end. The sexual tension will be building throughout the game.
6. Scavenger hunt
For example, thecut.com says to start with a photo of yourself in lingerie. Then leave pieces of clothing or items (i.e handcuffs) around the house with each clue. Once the hunt is over, use all those items for the remainder of the night.
7. Roleplay
Role-playing is not limited to the bedroom. You can play as if you and your partner were on your first date and it ended in a one night stand. Acting like strangers with different names and different backstories keeps things interesting says Watson from thecut.com
8. Prioritize sex and never stop sharing your desires
They say “as time goes on, the passion fades”. Morse from thecut.com states “expect it, and expect to work if you want to keep things hot”. Don’t let the fire burn out….communicate with your partner. Chances are if you are bored, so is your partner. Make it work for both of you.
You’ve got some great ways to spice up our sex life. My wife and I have been struggling a little bit with igniting our passion, so this is great. I’ll remember what you said about actually creating a good sexual environment.